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Make it sound professional and well worded but connecting with the reader

Looking for someone who can make my paper flow and do the corrections that the teacher listed. Make it sound professional and well worded but connecting with the reader. here is what the teacher told me and attached is the paper. Additionally, in the end, make up a phone call with someone explaining why they are Buddhist and what things they practice in their home( refer to a first phone call and make it like that one) and ill add a nice tip. You've got the right idea about the project and the interviews, you just need to do with the whole paper what you did with the first page and work on that clarity and sentence structure. YOur revised page #1 is MUCH better! So, before you even look at what I've written on this draft, go to your rough draft and revise the whole thing just as you did Page 1, keeping in mind the same issues of what does a reader need in order to understand what I'm trying to say? Once you've done that, then take a look at what I've added to the draft here. I hope you find it helpful. If you've never seen it before, I've used "track changes" to make a lot of comments. Just go to "review" on your toolbar and select "Final: Show Markup" from the pull-down menu in that block and you'll be able to see the comments if you can't when you first open the document."